Well I am pretty upset right now to say the least. The doctor just came in to speak to me and there is talk of A going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They say he is stable. Stable?!?! Dropping oxygen saturations to the 30s, 40s, 50s etc 223 times in 6 hours is stable?! The answer…he does this at home!!! I just don’t know what to do anymore. This is absolutely crazy. I told the doctor this the other day when he said he wanted to admit him. I said that nothing would be done. And it seems that I am yet again right. I just don’t understand. I am angry, hurt and frustrated.
To top it all off A has a fever so they did blood cultures and a swab for RSV. Yes, RSV. The floor he is on contains tons of sick kids with RSV and rotovirus. I’m so flippin mad!
Is there ANYONE out there that will EVER help my little man?
Not much new to report on around here other than A had the first half of his flu shot yesterday and did very well. The second half will be in the beginning of December. I am still working on trying to get him the RSV shots but so far STILL no luck.
I have once again come down with a cold and sore throat and just hope that I am able to keep it to myself so we can keep up these smiles!
Well it has been a crazy few days here! I haven’t blogged in a while so I have a bit to update on. First, still no luck yet with getting A covered for RSV season this year. I have a couple of calls to make today that will hopefully get me somewhere.
Thursday night was a nightmare here as A once again had a pretty rough night. I am not too sure what is wrong with him when he does this, but he is VERY fussy and just not comfortable. I really can’t wait for this sleep study! I think he might have had an upset tummy because his tube site was bleeding and Thursday night before going to bed he had been vomiting a lot of formula. At one point it looked like a whole entire can. I diluted his feed for about 24hours when he was acting better and had not been vomiting. But thankfully it never turned into anything more and he is fine!
Saturday grandma and grandpa S came down to spend the weekend. They got here just after noon and we headed over to Uncle S and Andrea’s house for their housewarming. A was pretty tired but had a hard time sleeping as there was way too much going on.
After leaving there we all headed over to grandma and grandpa C’s for dinner. We had our “wedding talk” and have some plans in place. Now I just need to get my butt in gear and start making deposits and reservations! I can’t believe how fast time is going and cannot wait until the day that I get to walk down the aisle!
Sunday, A went to the Storm game with daddy and grandpa and grandma S and I headed to Kitchener to the wedding show. I was glad that I went because I found an awesome photographer, a fabulous cake decorator and even got some great ideas for things that I want to do!
At the game…
We got back around dinner time and then we all headed out to eat at Shoeless Joe’s. Grandpa and grandma S then headed back home and we came home to head to bed. A had other plans last night and decided he wanted to stay up until 11pm! I am happy to say that I only got up ONCE with him last night and I actually had to wake him up this morning for physio and OT.
I couldn’t resist these pictures before waking him up!
So we started the breathing treatments with the nebulizer for A on Friday night and they are going well. The first time that he had one he was pouting and didn’t know what to think. This morning he actually didn’t need me to sit and hold it for him and he just watched the TV. I can’t say that I really notice a difference with the treatments yet compared to the puffers, but I do know that he is getting more of the meds this way than the other.
This morning A had Monique and Shelly here to work with him and he did VERY well!! Check out these amazing pictures!
After physio and OT A had his nutritionist here along with his speech therapist. Yes it has been a crazy house already and we still have his auditory speech therapist this afternoon!
Anyways, A now weighs a whopping 24lbs 1oz!!! That means he has gained 22 pounds and 8 ounces since he was born! That also means he went from 710 grams to 10,931.58 grams! WOW! She also measured him today and he is 80cm which is 31.5 inches. At birth he was 10.5 inches or 26.67 cms!
His speech therapist David and I decided we are going to wait on the feeding study to decide when he will be coming back.
Am I ever happy that A’s nurse was here last night! He had a pretty rough night with vomiting bile, a nose full of boogers and just plain irritability! I did hear him at 2am at which point he was up until about 3am. Then from 5am until 7:40am she had to sit in his rocking chair and hold him. By the time she left at 8am he was back asleep so I decided to cancel his physio for today that he was to have at 10am. Good thing I did because he didn’t get up until about 10:15am. He actually doesn’t seem to be that bad right now except for sounding a bit congested. This whole thing brought me to thinking about the RSV shots that he has received for the last two years. I really didn’t think he would qualify this year as he isn’t on oxygen anymore and he hasn’t been hospitalized with pneumonia or anything of the sort. I called his doctor this morning and he is on the list! This is awesome news and can help me relax a little bit!
On Saturday I took A with me to go and meet a photographer that Lisa had recommended to me. I was FINALLY able to walk away knowing that this IS the one that I want there on my wedding day! Her work is absolutely amazing and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I won’t be extremely happy having her do our pictures. So thanks Lisa for helping me make one of the biggest decisions for my day!
Saturday night we all just settled in and watched a movie. Or should I say tried. LOL A is constantly wanting to go and doesn’t just sit on my lap anymore when I want him to. The happiest place for him is the floor! He loves the freedom of being able to move around and not have any boundaries. However with his feeding tube this is difficult at times to do!
Here he is being the little monkey that he is…
Yesterday was a typical Sunday around here. Just hanging out and not doing much of anything!
Still no word on the MRI from London. I called there on Friday and got ahold of the secretary and she told me that he was in a meeting until 4pm (when they close) but that she would have him call me. Nothing. And still nothing from he respirologist at Mac either.
Well it has been a very interesting day. A didn’t get up until almost 10am and wanted to go back to sleep at about 12:30pm but I had to get him ready to take him to the ped. So things went good there. He got his RSV shot and did so well! He held his breath for about thirty seconds but he didn’t even cry. I talked to his ped about the vomiting and the low grade fever but he didn’t seem too concerned. With A I have learned how difficult it is to get answers on him. I asked him for a prescription for Zantac to add in to possibly help with the reflux a bit more. I really am starting to go crazy with all of the throwing up. The dry heaves and gagging is also taking its toll on me. It is so hard to deal with! I can’t even imagine how A feels when he is the one doing this all of the time. So we will be going back in a month to tell him if there is any difference with the Zantac. I am not too hopeful as it is only an H2 Blocker, but maybe it will give a little more relief. I know that the stuff he has been throwing up for the past month is very acidic because of the smell of it.
Anyhow today was kind of a crazy day on the Internet. There is a lot of talk still going on about what I discussed yesterday. However it has more or less turned into “would you change your child with special needs?” WOW what a debate that has caused! I was reading a blog that I do daily and it was saying basically how people are crazy if they say they wouldn’t change their premature babies life. Then it went on to saying how she hears parents of special needs children say that they wouldn’t change a thing, and she couldn’t understand that.
So I felt that I had to comment. I basically said that I was one of those moms who said that and I meant it. I said that A is who he is and if he were any different than he is now then I wouldn’t be the mom that I am and he wouldn’t be the child that he is.
I went back a while later and there was a comment back saying that she wasn’t disrespecting anyone but she just didn’t get it. Then it said that if I was comfortable watching A in pain then she was happy for me! I couldn’t believe it! I NEVER said anything about seeing him in pain. I said that I wouldn’t change him. Sure I wish I could take the pain he has away but wouldn’t any mom do that if she could?
Next a lady said she wondered if I would be saying the same thing when A is 21 years old. Give me a break! I think that my acceptance with A and his issues has brought me a lot further than some of these moms have EVER come with their child’s disabilities!
So I decided to post a question on the reflux parent group that I am part of. Of course it was directed at the moms with special needs kids. WOW, it sure has had a lot of comments! I would say it is half and half. Very interesting to me…I don’t think badly of anyone that says that they would change their children, so I don’t think it is fair to people to jump all over me about saying that I wouldn’t change a thing.
You know having A at 24 weeks, spending 227 days in the NICU, being in the PICU, finding out he has cerebral palsy, finding out that he is deaf, finding out that his eyes aren’t the greatest, having him on a feeding tube makes him the little boy that he is. This whole ordeal from June 10th 2005 until now has made me the strong mother that I am. I can’t even begin to tell you how much A has changed my life. How different I am as a person. How I look at life SO SO differently now.
Anyhow I think I have rambled on and on enough. I just get so frustrated with topics like this. How many times do I need to say that having a child with special needs is not a bad thing!??!
I am the luckiest mommy in the world to have this gorgeous, happy little miracle!!
Come morning he was the happy baby he normally is. Grandma was here for 9:30am and she never would have guessed about the night that he had. We took him to the doctors for 10:15am but didn’t get in until about 11am. He was weighed in and was the big 20 pounds! I can hardly believe it! He got his RSV shot and was not a happy camper. I think it bugs me just as much as him. I find it so hard now to watch him go through things like this. Funny when I look back at everything I watched him go through in the NICU and didn’t make me flinch.
I spoke to his doctor about the vomiting and even brought him my list of times and how much was thrown up. He didn’t seem too concerned about it but did say that if he isn’t better by the end of the week to bring him back in. The blood he said is probably from the force of the vomiting and his esophagus is irritated. I however am not convinced that the bile is nothing and have a feeling the tube isn’t correct.
Anyhow we got home around noon and A was asleep at 12:30pm. He didn’t get up until 2:30pm which was perfect timing for Deb his AVT. Grandma left and then I got A all set up in his chair ready for his therapy. Deb noticed right away that Ashton just wasn’t himself. Within minutes he just looked pale and lethargic. He wasn’t interested in any of her toys which he usually loves and didn’t really want to do anything. She got the bubbles out and he was okay for a few minutes (he loves bubbles)and I caught one smile from him while she did this. There is a song that we do with the bubbles and it is pretty low tone so we think he most likely can hear it. It goes, “bubbles,bubbles up up up…bubbles, bubbles pop pop pop.” LOL Here are the pictures of the two of them.
Well the therapy didn’t last long. A threw up again and I was a little more at ease because it was clear mucus. But within minutes up came the bile. Deb even noticed how off colour A goes when he is trying to catch his breath after vomiting. So we decided to call it an end and just sat and talked for a bit. A is supposed to go for another hearing test tomorrow and I just hope that he is well enough to go because he has missed the last two because of being sick. I really don’t want things to be delayed more than they already have been. So fingers are crossed that he has a good night and is well enough to go. Also kind of exciting because daddy doesn’t work tomorrow so it will be his first time coming with us for the cochlear implant process. Joyce will be here shortly then I can head to bed and get a goods night sleep.
So after Deb leaving A wanted to sleep again. I cuddled with him for a bit but he just wanted to lay on his tummy and go to sleep. He slept for a couple of hours and then was up again and back to the vomiting. It wasn’t until after 6pm tonight that I noticed that it looks like there is formula in with the bile. This is very frustrating for me because A shouldn’t have anything in his stomach. And considering that his feeding tube goes right to his intestines this means to me that the tube isn’t placed probably. This angers me considering that I told the doc at Mac that when I saw the tube on the screen it wasn’t right. He changed it and it was only two short hours later that we were back in there with him correcting what he had supposedly already done. Let me tell you if I find out his tube isn’t in the right place I am not going to be happy. And people don’t like when I’m not happy. 🙂
So it has been a long day. In total since midnight A has thrown up 21 times.
Today A and I got up early to drop off daddy at work. He normally hates being all bundled up in his snowsuit but he did well today considering he had to be put in it three times.
Grandma came this morning to work with A. It was nice that she was here with me because I had to take him to get his needle for RSV. He was also supposed to get his 18 month shots but the doctor didn’t want to do them all today so we will get those later this month. A actually did pretty good with the needle. I think it bothers me more than him! When he was weighed he was down to 18.8lbs also. So that means that he has lost 12ounces since the last time that he was weighed. However all scales are different so I am not sure if it was really that much. With how sick he was it kind of makes sense that he would have lost some weight. I’m not too worried about it because it has been so long since he has actually lost weight!
Grandma, A and I then went for lunch at Tim Hortons. After coming home A had a little nap and I laid down for a bit. It is always so nice to be able to lay down and just relax and do nothing. I can’t believe how much I appreciate the little things in life now that I have had A. My mom always used to say to wait until I had my own and then I would understand why she was so tired. Well I know what you meant now mom!
I am very lucky to have the parents that I have! From day one they have been there for me and done whatever they have been able to. My dad has always been the one to take A and I to whatever appointments that we have and my mom works with A a few days a week. It is so great to have them as involved as they are. I know when A grows up he will only benefit from it. I remember when I was younger always wanting to go to grandma and grandpa C’s to see them. Then as I grew older the bond with my grandma was something that can never and will never be replaced. She was a very important part of my life. I always wanted to spend time with her. She passed away when I was 14 years old, and I just wish she could be here now. I know she is in her own way but it sure isn’t the same. However, I do believe that she is watching over us and is very proud of everything in my life that I have accomplished. She is truly one of A’s angels. I love you grandma!
Well good news, Joyce is here tonight. It has been a while since I have been able to sleep all night and not have to get up! And it is to bed that I am headed now…
All bundled up!
Mommy & A